The kitchen light fell sideways through the window this morning, catching dust and steam in equal measure. I'd woken early to make dal the way my grandmother used to—slow, patient, nothing rushed. The split lentils sat in a bowl of cold water, their pale yellow softening to cream. I ran my thumb across them, felt the faint give, the promise of collapse under heat.

I started with the tempering: mustard seeds first, their sharp crackle filling the room, then cumin, curry leaves still damp from the fridge. The smell hit me before I could brace for it—earthy, bitter-bright, almost medicinal. I remembered standing in her kitchen as a child, watching her tilt the pan just enough to let the oil pool, waiting for the exact moment the seeds would leap. I always jumped. She never did.

The lentils went in, then water, turmeric, a pinch of salt. I stirred once and left it alone. This is the part I used to rush—checking, tasting, adjusting too soon. Today I sat on the counter and listened instead. The slow thickening, the faint catch at the bottom of the pot, the way the smell shifted from raw to round.

I made a mistake halfway through. I added the tomatoes too early, before the dal had fully softened. The acid seized the lentils, kept them firm when they should've melted. I almost restarted, then remembered something she once said: "You cook what you have, not what you planned." I let it simmer longer, added a splash of coconut milk I hadn't intended to use. The texture changed—silkier, less predictable. Better, maybe. Different, certainly.

When I finally tasted it, the flavors came in layers: the warmth of turmeric first, then the tang of tomato, the faint sweetness of coconut catching at the end. Not quite hers, not quite mine. Something in between.

I ate it with rice, sitting at the table with the window still open. A neighbor's radio played faintly. I thought about how recipes are never fixed, how memory bends them, how every attempt is a small negotiation between what was and what is. The dal was good. Imperfect. Warm.

#food #cooking #dal #memory #family