Learning to Let Go of the Life I Thought I Would Have

I think one of the strangest things about divorce is grieving a future that never happened.

It is not only the relationship that changes. Sometimes, it is the little plans you once considered certain—the family holidays, the home you imagined, the routines you thought you would still have years from now.

For a while, I found myself thinking about all the things that were supposed to happen.

Then I realised that constantly looking back was keeping me from noticing what was happening in front of me.

Not Everything Needs an Immediate Answer

When a marriage is ending, there can be pressure to decide everything at once.

Where will we live? What happens to our finances? How will we arrange things for the children? What happens next?

But some decisions need time.

I learned that it is okay to make a list of questions first rather than trying to solve everything in one afternoon. When legal or financial matters are involved, getting proper advice can also make the situation less confusing.

For someone going through divorce in Singapore, iLawyer provides information and legal services relating to family and matrimonial matters, which can be a useful starting point when trying to understand the issues involved.

Try Not to Measure Your Progress by Your Emotions

Some days feel surprisingly normal.

Other days, something small—a song, an old photograph or a familiar place—can bring everything back.

I used to think having a difficult day meant I was not moving forward.

Now I see it differently.

Healing does not mean that you stop remembering. It means that the memories gradually become something you can carry without allowing them to determine what happens next.

Your New Life Does Not Have to Look Perfect

There is also a strange expectation that after divorce, you should immediately become a completely new person.

I don't think that is necessary.

Maybe your first goal is simply to sleep better.

Maybe it is learning to manage your own finances.

Maybe it is creating a comfortable home.

Maybe it is spending more time with your children or reconnecting with friends you haven't spoken to in years.

Small things count.

A new chapter does not have to begin with a dramatic transformation. Sometimes it begins with making breakfast for yourself and realising that you are slowly becoming comfortable with your own company again.

Letting Go Is Not the Same as Giving Up

I used to associate letting go with losing.

Now I think letting go can also mean accepting that something did not turn out the way you hoped—and choosing to continue anyway.

You can care about what happened without living in the past.

You can be disappointed and still hopeful.

You can miss someone and still know that moving forward is right for your life.

Perhaps that is what starting over really means.

Not pretending that the past never happened, but accepting it as part of your story and allowing yourself to write the next part.