Between Tongues

The word for "home" has
three syllables in Japanese
two in English

both wrong

I dream in London traffic
wake in Shibuya crossing
translation of nothing

My mother tongue is
whichever one I'm not using

The trains here speak English now
automated politeness
Mind the gap between the train and platform

I mind the gap
between

what I mean
what I say
what I've lost

There's a word—natsukashii—
for longing toward
a past that never quite was

In English we just say
I miss it

(miss like aim
miss like absence
miss like mistake)

---

Convenience Store, 3 AM

Fluorescent hum
empty aisles
the clerk's face
lit blue by phone screen

I'm choosing instant ramen
like it matters

Outside
a man leans against
a vending machine
speaking softly to someone
who isn't there

or someone who is—
voice carried through
fiber optic cables beneath
the sleeping city

In my pocket
three unread messages
in two languages

I understand them both
I answer neither

The clerk doesn't look up
when I pay

We exchange
the smallest transaction
of human warmth

coins to palm
arigatou gozaimasu

I walk home
carrying heat
that will last
five minutes

long enough

---

#poetry #identity #bilingual #urban