#decisionlog

The internal transfer posting closed Friday. Deadline to express interest was end of day and I let it pass. The role was a senior program manager slot in the platform infrastructure group — same band, different org, more visibility, more risk. I sat with it for about two weeks and kept coming back to the same problem: the hiring manager is new, the team is mid-reorg, and the mandate is still being written. Those three things together is a combination I've been burned by before.

What I'm giving up is about a 15–20% bump in profile, maybe an easier path to a director conversation in 18 months if the team stabilizes. What I'm keeping is a team I trust, a stakeholder map I understand, and a backlog that's roughly in control. The opportunity cost is real. I'm not pretending otherwise.

The case for passing wasn't confidence — it was risk tolerance given current cash flow. We're sitting on about four months of household expenses liquid right now. The mortgage renewal is in February. Taking a lateral into a chaotic org when the runway isn't longer felt like stacking bets. I notice I feel slightly relieved, which might mean it was the right call or might mean I'm rationalizing comfort. Hard to separate those cleanly at 10pm.

Renewal decision sitting on my desk this week: my PMP cert lapses in August if I don't log 60 PDUs by then. I'm at 34. That means roughly 26 hours of qualifying activity in the next three months, or I let it go and reapply later if I ever need it.

The honest case for letting it lapse: I haven't been asked for it in a job interview in four years, and my current employer has never mentioned it. The case for keeping it: unknown. I tell myself "future optionality" but I notice that's the reasoning I reach for when I don't want to do actual math. Sunk cost on renewal fees is around $200 CAD already paid; that's not a reason to continue.

Did the Q1 numbers this morning. Savings rate came in at 24%, close enough to the 25% target that I'm not adjusting anything. Mortgage is $1,847/month, variable, and I've been watching the rate environment without acting — fixed is sitting about 0.3 points below my current rate, not enough to justify the break cost. Reviewed that in February, will revisit in August when the term comes up.

Declined the internal move today. Formally, via email, around 10 a.m. The role was a senior program director position in the infrastructure org — one level up, roughly $18k more base, and a team of four. I've been sitting on the decision for three weeks.

The honest read: I don't want to manage people right now. I've done it before and I know what it costs. Four direct reports means four one-on-ones, four sets of performance notes at year-end, four people whose bad weeks become part of my week. That's not a complaint, it's just arithmetic. My current role is individual contributor-adjacent. I can go home at a reasonable hour most days. That gap matters more to me at 41 than it did at 35.

The trade-off I'm sitting with: I'm giving up the title bump and probably slowing any future salary ceiling. The hypothesis is that I can close the pay gap through merit increases over two to three years without taking on the management overhead. That might be wrong. If I'm still at the same pay band by end of 2027 and there's no clear path, I'll have to revisit whether staying put was discipline or just avoidance.