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@tinaxu

2 diaries·Joined Aug 2026

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2026/6/10 夏梦诗

So I wrote something in Chinese just for myself to remember and something in English to you when I thought you chose to let go. But we had serious discussions later, so that was another story. Not sure if this is something you’d like to read as it’s sentimental and personal. You said you want to know more about me and you accept me with my emotions. Well, this is the very part of me you will probably see a lot if you choose to stay instead. But really might be something you wouldn’t into. I was gonna send it to you before my flight home. But our story keeps changing…Maybe my selfish wishful thinking was, while you’re reading it, my staying will linger a tiny bit longer with the letter on this magical land.

When my host at Bloom dropped me on the dock, out of my surprise they didn’t take me to the 5 star hotel next by as I knew it’s a pickup point. She drove me all the way back…to where is really close to Romlan…so that was my 3rd drive. Idk for what reasons, bikes or driving style, it’s very different from with you. It’s…safe. Not saying you’re not. It’s just no tense, no adrenaline. I felt like a post to be delivered on the backseat. They drive very slow and I can feel their body up straight, just like with those local girls. I think I’m gonna miss holding your belly. Before that I went for a breaky at the restaurant I had 4 day meals in a row like always, and I cried so hard I didn’t even care they see. They were already familiar with me and knew I’m leaving that morning. They said come back again.

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Untouchable place

I think I'll stop traveling for a long time. There are places become untouchable for me forever. The trip we planned together. Sapa and the National Park. I don't think I can or I will ever go. No matter with whom or alone. Just like the gifts we have for each other left in drawers. Black boxer underwear I had it for you for sleeping during traveling. I asked you what do I do with it. You said get rid of it or give it to others. I said I can't and it's hard for your size. And I also said I love your size. A blue jacket I think you'd like. Tshirt and some tiny gifts that I planned to draw some picture on it myself. So many snakes, no snacks. The girly bracelet you had it for me. Not couple type. You said you won't give it to anyone else, even though you won't have another chance to give it to me anymore. I asked you to throw it away. You said no. I was laughing at you asking me to discard it when you even can't yourself. Then I started to remember it's not just Vietnam. My last two trips memories are so closely connected to you. Lake toba ofc, and also after that my solo trip in Malaysia. But that wasn't my solo trip anymore, to me. I took you with me. Just like you took me with you. You said, I'll always keep you with me. That solo trip with you changed me forever. I won't be able to see solo trip the way I saw it once. And I didn't know when I will be healed and have courage to do another solo trip myself again. But it's hard as my friends don't do overseas trips at all. And I have been always soloing out there. I loved it. But I loved it with you too. I'm pretty sure I won't be going anywhere this year. And I think I won't be able to do it next year.

When I decided to be with you, I recalled there was a Chinese saying I really liked about long distance relationships. And there are two exactly different versions. One is "所爱隔山海,山海皆可平",means my love is so far away across the mountains and seas, but I'll cross them for him. Another one is "所爱隔山海,山海不可平",means those mountains and seas would keep me and my lover apart and it can not be levelled. Guess which one I wrote down in my page for us.