I never had the courage to read our chatting records. But so many bits still get stuck in my head. Do they pop up for you too? I forgot you have a bad memory.
I recalled the first time I discussed period with you, you were a bit unprepared. I said you looked like a deer who got shocked by the light of the car then stop running. I joked you looked like I just told you I had a baby. I recalled the first time you called me cutie in my language. You obviously copied it from online. I was happy and I teased you Google translation is not reliable unless you want it to be like baby when you meant babe. I recalled you and your friends went to Prague and I was so into learning 'rock, scissors, paper'. I thought one day when we play it together like that, they'd be surprised that I know the language. I recalled I was looking forward to talk to John, cuz you said he is few of you who's single and want to practice his English. I recalled the first time I told you I'm the jealous type. I asked you if you are, you said not much maybe only a little. You said if you see me talking to other guys on a plane you'd be a bit jealous inside. I don't know how to make you relate, that little jealousy you feel is even if we were physically together and with some stranger. But now...I‘m at somewhere far far away. It's even too different to compare. I recalled your favorite star is Venus, and when I saw the picture you and Elis watched the sunset together, how I wish that girl next to you was me. I recalled I told you in my language it means golden planet and I said that's also the God of Love. I recalled when you showed me the pic of those skewers and told me Pavel and Elis got the most job done, I was thinking oh that's something I'd really like to help with. I recalled when you guys went to hiking, I was thinking if I’m physically strong to catch up. I recalled when I told you the word high maintenance, I was a bit surprised that you didn’t know the phrase can also used for people. I guess especially due to your work. I recalled you have funny alarms for your morning. And I laughed at you loving math more than me. I recalled once I asked you about your bandwidth at home. You said it’s fast like 100MB and I was laughing secretly that’s not fast. I recalled how you told me about your family blood and race, and for some reason we ended up joking about the race of the baby. I recalled that I was pretty disappointed about my computer, then you explained it’s just Teams runs a lot of battery. I recalled when we traded pictures, you said you like the one of my succulents with snow outside especially. I recalled I showed you the giant flower on the glass museum of Shanghai and you showed me your glass museum next day. I recalled you liked seeing me clear with new phone, or during my day time as it's brighter. I recalled how you always say hi to my cat, then sometimes joked he hates you. He doesn't.
You were right about a lot happened, although idk if you refer to happy moments or sad moments more. Do you remember, I once told you don't dream to be friends with me if we break up someday. You even said yourself right away, you wouldn't dream to be anything close to friends given what we experienced together. We were still sweet then, but not so long ago. So how come you still remember to block me instantly but already forget the other parts? Even delete all the unhappy memories, which I don't have so much, I still feel like a lot had happened between us. Hardly tangible, maybe part of the reasons why it collapsed so rapidly. But for me, precious nonetheless.
I think you would like apple whiskey. It's so full of apple aroma just like juice, but not sweet at all. I think it'd be nice to blend with some apple juice, which is a pity I don't have now. I tried to picture us drinking to our sorrows together. Idk if it's a good idea. I thought about how you said you'd keep email open and be like you. I wonder, who are you? You know, the side I don't know about you. When you vaping, your voice and tones sounds deep and full of sorrows. It's the side of you that I‘ve never seen. Maybe it's just me overthinking as usual...