You wouldn’t believe me. I saw three bikers today, not even together. I have to admit no matter it is the rolling sound or how often I will encounter them on my walk, it has become a new norm, something I just can't avoid even if I stay at home and not going anywhere. The timing they came into my life was a bit ironic, isn't it? If it is some type of punishment, I deserve it. I already started to think why the hell I dragged you into all these shit.
Do you remember you said we should sync our terminology or how to say, those numbers? I think we should really sync our level of stupidity. Cuz we’re definitely not talking about the same thing when we said we're super stupid in love respectively.
I thought about what would I choose if I had to describe you as a type of flower or plant. Initially I was thinking about something in blue ofc. Then not soon I had that picture of the white bulb shape head down flowers you sent me jumped into my mind. The one you told me that you think they were not so healthy. Well that was the very first time I saw it so I can't say for sure. So ofc I can't confirm things I don't know. But my experience and my gut told me it's not. So after a super easy digging, I found out pretty much like what I assumed, that you're being a fucking 'genius' on this. This even made me laugh while I was taking my walk today, and that's not easy among these days tbh. See, you're gone and you're still somehow making me laugh with your stupidity.
I wonder how stupid did you think I am when I had the rate backwards when we talked about rental over there. You were saying that you're pretty sure we can find some reasonable share if rented bc you know I won't accept taking all your money. You were right so you did know me. And I was crazy insistent that it's impossible for us to find any reasonable share bc the number is just way too huge. I so believed that I was right. And I think that even got you for a few seconds. Then you started to realize something was wrong. You said you're really suck at math you know? Which I did warn you when we met, didn't I? I pictured you said it with an expression of dunno if you should laugh or cry.
You said that I can be terrible at math and you can be ignorant about plants. Seems fair. I said we can both be students and teachers. Isn't that nice?
Stupidity.
There was once or twice that I laughed at myself doing this experiment we were doing, both before the 'failure (your opinion)' and after. I laughed at the fact we pull a newbie and a mentally cripple together to challenge maybe one of the most difficult tasks in relationships. And what do we expect from it? I actually thought again today while walking. Even my friend said I expected too much and I'd guess your expectations were high as well. Saying you won't expect much and literally having no expectations are completely two different things btw. But just like you said, neither of us was looking. Idk for you, for me I probably just wanted it too much bc I liked you too much. Can't think of another major reason. Don't need to move to somewhere. Don't need a sugar daddy. Don't even need a partner. What about you? What could be the reasons of your stupidity? I thought about this like if I can analyze things in a more sensible way, then it'd help me to get over it. Nope, not a fucking chance. Hopeless fucking romantic.
Stupidity.
Stupidity was when I was having my yogurt while talking to you on a video call. When I looked down, I saw the pointy side of the straw out. Luckily you weren't making me laugh while I was having it. Otherwise it might get me killed maybe. And I was self mocking laughing while I showed it to you. I didn't have to. But when I saw that smile on your face and that just, brought me sheer happiness. That you laughed at how distracted I can get from just looking at you. I would let you laugh at me a thousand times like this.
Stupidity.
Stupidity is that I already forgot what I said about the side effects.
Stupidity is joking that we'd ended up married bc of my jokes.
Stupidity is not saying anything back to you when you asked me for a bit more faith.
Stupidity is unable to type yes when you said babe are you trying to push me away.
Stupidity is not letting you know when I was having a difficult time.
Stupidity is not reaching out my arms to you and say I just need another hug.
Stupidity is trying to cut off all ties even knowing that might be the only chance I get to talk to you again someday. Stupidity is knowing there's no someday at all.
Stupidity is not being able to understand why it doesn’t feel like something with only 3 months in at all. Is this another trap that how LDR tricked both of us? Or just me?
Stupidity is still telling you somewhere inside of my head even though you already left, honey, I wouldn't want you to burn yourself to be with me.